Among the mass of email postings to Tom Shelley's email list, some items stand out as "keepers." Items are posted here by permission of the authors. To get on this list send a request to Tom Shelley, listmeister, tshelley@verizon.net.

Now available in paperback: Keepers: Voices of Secular Recovery, edited and with an introduction by Marty Nicolaus.  From LifeRing Press.

Click on a title to view the item. When done with the item, click on the "Return to Keepers List" line at the bottom of the item or on the word "Keepers" at the top of the page to return to this page.

Well, it doesn't "work"...people work. by Rick B.

Rick eloquently and accurately  explains to a newbie what LSR is, and what it IS NOT.  "LSR is not a pill, or a magic spell, or a secret formula. LSR is  simply an organization of people who share a common goal - sobriety,  and who share some common basic beliefs about how sobriety may be  achieved and maintained."

Larry and Alvin Discuss Drinking, By Timothy in Toronto, Canada

The scene: A party.      Our cast of characters:       Larry: Somebody who used to drink too much      Alvin: Somebody who enjoys the occasional snifter of brandy.

Defined by words or action? By Dan in Canada

Dan counters stereotypical characterization of alcoholics in this mock conversation phrasing, "Because I choose to not drink, I must be an alcoholic?"

Small Triumphs, By Brenda H. in Montreal

"My sobriety has not brought me brass bands, flowers from strangers or engraved citations signed by famous people. On several occasions it hasn't even brought me happiness. What it HAS provided me with is an enormous feeling of pride and increased self-confidence."

Irrationalizations, By Timothy in Toronto, Canada

Here is a list of apparently "good reasons" to get drunk that one problem drinker dredged up from memory. They may not make sense, but at the time it seemed they did! Maybe some of them will sound familiar.

My Best Thinking, By Nick A.

After sitting through yet another fire and brimstone sermon, he was more confirmed than ever that his best thinking led him to find an alternative to the Steps approach.   Our vaunted "character defects" that the preachers rant about are the result of alcoholism, not its cause.  

My Independence Day, By C.A.  E.

At the annual diplomatic reception they kept firing alcohol at her, but she used her trusty "I can't drink" shield and survived Independence Day with flying colors.  

The Fuckit Switch, By Lin L.

When a relapse happens, often it's because we tripped the fuckit switch.  Learning to recognize that any phrase beginning with "fuckit" means trouble is a useful survival tool.  

Glad for the Second Chance, by Dee K.

Watching her young son explore his new world fills his mom with gladness at being sober so she can experience the tears and laughter of it all.  

What Matters Is What I Do About It, by Carl W.

It doesn't matter why I started to drink, and it doesn't really matter what I feel about it; what matters is what I do about it.  

My Old Pattern, By Steve B.

Sometimes to "reward" himself for having got a period of sobriety, he would have just one drink.  Within a week or a month he would be back in his old drinking pattern, and would have to start over.

My First Year's Fine Journey, By Ken M.

It has been a twisted path to the edges of the traditional model and through a variety of alternatives, but he picked up something helpful here and there and built a working sobriety program out of it, and has a year's sobriety to celebrate.

Focusing On Sobriety, By Steve B.

Focusing on sobriety, spending time thinking about it, writing about it, and reading about it places an investment in sobriety that makes us less and less inclined to give it up. Focusing on the shame, self-hatred, or helplessness we may feel as a result of relapsing is counterproductive. 

Recovery Is a Process, by Ron C.

Recovery is not a state of rest but a continuing journey.

Laying the Past to Rest, By Pippa M.

Revisiting the scenes of her childhood was almost more than she could bear, and she almost gave up the struggle against her addiction.  But, somehow, spending a few days in the wilderness watching nature's way helped clear her mind, and when the peach brandy came around she wasn't even tempted.

My Sobriety is a Treasure, By Lisa P.

She buys herself flowers on Friday with the money saved on liquor.  

Exulting in That Feeling, By Kate M.

Sobriety feels great.  To hold on to that feeling, it's good also to remember what it felt like beforehand.  

There Is No In-Between For Me, By Lisa P.

I can practice sobriety or I can practice alcoholism.  I can face life sober or drunk.  There is no middle ground for me.

Powerless is Not a Healthy Feeling, By Betts

When you're going bananas with all kinds of problems, maybe it's better to focus on what you can do than on what you can't.  

Onionism: the Disease, By MOG

"If I stay away from the onions, it doesn't seem to matter whether I have onionism."  This tongue-in-cheek contribution makes a subtle point about the disease model. 

Spirituality: The Less Said the Better, By Peter V.

His spirituality is important to him, and intensely personal; when it gets talked about at meetings it mostly feels cheapened corrupted.  So, the less said about it, the better. 

The Night of the Living Dead, By Jeff J.

Sitting through a meeting where the speakers drone on about their meaningless topic, and watching the glassy stares of the people suffering through it, reminded Jeff of the Night of the Living Dead.  The point of recovery meetings is not to feed the egos of the speakers but for recovering people to have human contact with one another.  

A Long Convoluted Story, By Bonnie L.

Staying sober in a relationship where one partner still drinks is not the easiest thing in the world and can make for a long convoluted story.

Sorting Through the Rubble, by Dee K.

When one person in a relationship quits drinking it sends out shock waves that reverberate through pretty much every level, and sends the partners sorting through the rubble, seeing what's left.  

My Brain Went "Yuck," by Bill Mc D.

Out of town on a business trip, Bill is drinking ginger ale/cranberry and watching TV in a bar with his mates and his hand accidentally picks up one of their beers.   An amazing moment takes place.  His hand said "yeah!" but his brain came online immediately and went "Yuck!" 

Out of Town In a Motel, by Joe B.

On a business trip out of town in a motel with a drinking boss, Joe sets the important precedent that he does not drink, and makes it stick.   He also passes an important test with his girlfriend.  Put in a situation where no one but he would ever know, he draws strength from the knowledge that he'd have to tell the list. 

How Far I Have Come, by Sy S.

Sy reflects on his third anniversary sober.  "I enjoy the landscape around me, I walk my path, there are days when I can look back and see a clear view, and see how far I have come..."

It Just Keeps Getting Better, by Bill Mc D.

Approaching the nine-months mark on a wants-to-snow kind of Sunday morning, Bill reflects on the differences between this year and last.  Then, Sunday mornings consisted of a shower-and-puke and wondering "what the hell did I do last night?"  Now, it's reading the paper, listening to music, reflecting on last week and next, and feeling the growth of patience, friendship, caring, and other previously unsuspected qualities within. 

The best thing that happened, by Joy H.

The day started out bad and it only got worse: IRS, police, dead battery, car repo bill, no toilet paper ... but there was one very good thing: she didn't drink.  There's no day so bad that sobriety can't put a smile into it. 

I'd Just Rather Be Me, by Bill Mc D., by Bill Mc D.

When we drank we thought we were so individual, but in retrospect it was a hollow personality without much real distinction.  Only now that we are experiencing sobriety is there a chance for our real individuality to develop.  Only now can we say, with conviction, that "I'd just rather be me." 

Holiday Survival Guide

Dozens of shares from the list on the topic of surviving holidays.  Whether you're into the holiday spirit, or it drives you crazy, or you couldn't care less, you'll find kindred voices here to reassure you that you're not alone, and to keep you sober during this passage.

People Who Understand, by Larry D.

Even our closest companions often don't have a clue what we go through; that's where a support group can make all the difference. 

Two Things I’ve Learned, by Jennifer S.

To Get To Know Me, by Jennifer S.

To quit drinking meant to quit running from herself and to get to know herself -- not an altogether unpleasant experience at all. 

The Price Goes Up, by Jim S.

After each relapse it gets costlier to get sober again -- financially and psychologically.

The Power I Have To Deal With, by Dale H.

Relying on outside powers is a recipe for failure.   The one key power one has to deal with is oneself.  

Evil Boss and Sweet Me, by Rex A.

It's nobody's business why you don't drink, and you can quickly learn how to counter the most inquisitive gambits of bosses and other busybodies.

The Ultimate Message, by Treena W.

It came like a lightning bolt, the simple thread to unravel a chain of complex problems: don't drink, no matter what!

Straight to Blackout, by Steve C.

When your drinking pattern consists of drinking straight to blackout, moderation is a dangerous fantasy. 

We Need More Choices, by Jenny S.

Having only one path to recovery is no way to deal with the needs of individuals.

That "One Last Binge," by Diane J.

Before I quit for good, I'll have one last binge ... and another ... and another.  That "one last binge" idea is the addiction talking, says the voice of experience. 

Here Today, by Steve C.

When you think of life as a temporary combination of matter and energy, enjoying it sober becomes all the more precious. 

The Phantom Strikes Again, by Ward T.

Fed up with the closed-minded attitude of his AA buddies, Ward said his good-byes, and then, phantom-like, slipped flyers for the new SOS meeting under the windshields of cars in the parking lot.

The Sky Didn’t Fall In, by Diane J.

Caught red-handed reading the SOS email list at her job, Diane bared her neck for the axe.  What she got was a supervisor reminiscing over a drunk boyfriend. 

AWOL From 12-Step Treatment, by Michael H.

"I have been treated for many things in my life and not one doctor has ever told me to pray over a broken rib, pneumonia, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, depression or even the flu. Why should I have to do it for (in my case) this genetic disorder? Big Books no longer belong on treatment wards. They belong in the Chaplain's office with the rest of the religious tracts."

Sobriety Has Its Own Momentum, by Diane J.

It may be hard to stop at first, but the longer you stay completely stopped the less effort it takes to stay stopped. Sobriety has its own momentum.

Roller Coaster Emotions, by Treena W.

Being bipolar means that without medications one's emotions are like a roller coaster: one instant curled up in the fetal position in the corner, and the next instant intensely happy and powerful.  Now take yourself off your meds, and try to do holiday shopping, and try to figure out sobriety v. moderation, all at the same time, and you've got the formula for one terrible horrible no good very bad day.  BUT: she didn't drink.

Those Old Triggers, by Laura L.

Sometimes our mind romanticizes the memories of what drinking was like.  We imagine ourselves sipping brandy by candlelight.  But let's get real: what we really did was guzzle vodka in the dark. 

Day One Again, by John E.

One of the strongest incentives for staying sober this time around is remembering some of the previous "Day Ones."

Secret Code 505, by Nolita

A friend sent a beeper message that said "505" -- secret code for "SOS." 

Proud to Say It, by Marianne H.

There is absolutely no shame in being a sober alcoholic. On the contrary, it's something to be very, very proud of.

I Recognize My Mind Games, by Steve C.

Taking care of an ailing parent who will drink nothing unless it has liquor in it, Steve finds himself unpleasantly surrounded by alcohol.  Despite his long-term sobriety, the presence of the stuff sets off mental processes that would lead him to relapse -- but Steve recognizes these mind games for what they are.

Nothing Less Than the Best, by Shirley B.

Why should we put up with boring people who insist on our drinking?  Getting clean and sober means bringing out the best in yourself, and that may mean improving the quality of the company we keep and of the activities we engage in.

Different Strokes, by Bill McD.

We can all have different ways of facing up to sobriety. In fact, those differences are the basis of why this works.  Those differences make us think about what we are doing, instead of blindly following a program where we really don't do anything.

365 Attaboys, by Steve C.

Posting to "fish for attaboys" on his first sobriety anniversary, Steve recites a long list of things he hasn't experienced for 365 days -- no traffic tickets, no meaningless apologies, no rages at the family, no mysterious ATM withdrawal slips ...

What Makes Me Want To Stay Sober, by Kathy B.

Sobriety, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways ... a short list of Kathy's own reasons for staying sober. 

You Are Not a Failure, by De W.

Just because you have a failure at staying sober doesn't mean you are a failure.  Bad behavior does not make a bad person.  You can change the behavior and start again.

Applause for the Struggling, by Gregg F.

Getting and staying sober is like a race, easy for some, not so easy for others.  Just like in a footrace, those who deserve applause most are those who are struggling. 

At War Within Myself, by Marty N.

"When I drank, I was a man at war within myself..." But through our self-help mutual support process we help tip the war within each of us in favor of the sober forces.  One man's explanation of how SOS is working for him. 

Why I Didn't Keep Coming Back, by Trudy S.

When she moved to a new state, Trudy found a very different AA than her old Michigan home group.  In this vivid personal memoir, she recounts her journey through those rooms run by good ol' boys that left her with a feeling of deep personal failure.   What the alcoholic needs most, she concludes, is hope -- hope that an alternative to AA is available. 

The "Just-One Genie", by Diane J.

Oh, come on, you can have a drink at Christmas and then get sober afterward ... and at Easter ... and at parties ... and Friday nights ... and why not lay in a bottle of vodka, just one?  It's the voice of the Just-One Genie, and he's got a present for you.  by one who's been there, done that.

I Don't Drink Because, by Jim M.

Acknowledging the group's congratulations on reaching one year clean and sober, Jim observes that a big factor for him in making it this far was his understanding of the nature of alcoholism as a difference in the way that alcoholics' bodies are made.  

Woke Up Thankful, by Colleen C.

Surrounded by beerdrinkers at the stock car races and with a sister who used to be a drinking buddy, Colleen nevertheless stayed sober and next morning woke up thankful.

Sober is Better, by Paula B.

Life after getting sober can still bring lots of pain, but drinking hurt much more than sobriety ever could.

Big Stuff Going On, by Laura L.

Amidst divorce, medical problems, being dumped by a boyfriend, job stress, and on the edge of madness, Laura writes:  "The bottom line is this: my life sucks and is presently in a complete f**king shambles. But I am not going to drink 'at' it, over it, or try to drink my way 'around it..."

Breaking a Lifelong Pattern, by Jane D.

When Jane's mother asked her why she wasn't drinking the wine, Jane said, "I am an alcoholic and I can't drink."  Her mother wasn't buying it: "You're NOT an alcoholic, one glass won't hurt you."  The half-hour conversation that followed was one of the longest of  Jane's life.

At First You Fall Down a Lot, by Craig M..

Encouraging a new member who is having trouble staying sober, Craig compares learning sobriety to learning to ride a bicycle. 

A Chance to Start Over, by Shirlee B.

Being sober gave Shirlee a chance to start life over; not to redo sober what  she did while drinking, but to have a whole new way of doing everything.

Poem, by Jette S.

A verse about that sinking feeling.

Why I Drank Like I Did, by Tom S.

Searching for psychological reasons why I drank like I did, writes Tom, was a wild goose chase.  I drank like I did because I was biologically addicted.  

The Most Positive Action I Have Ever Taken, by Lorne L.

Looking back on twelve years of sobriety, Lorne sums it all up: getting sober was "the most positive action I have ever taken."

I sure don't fit the mold, by John A.

John had an atheist sponsor in AA who stayed sober and a Bible-thumping local leader who committed suicide.  John's experience taught him that staying sober and even staying alive has nothing to do with belief or disbelief in a higher power.   Because of his views, he "doesn't fit the mold." 

Survival In the Air, by Carolyn, Bob, Alice, Leigh, Mark, Marianne & Carol

Carolyn felt comfortable in her sobriety with her feet on the ground, but shaky once she got in an airplane.  She asked the email list for suggestions, and got a handful of practical, down-to-earth ideas.   She took them along, had a fine trip, and landed safe and sober.

No, No, I Don't!  Cancel That!, by Alice I.

A visit home holds special terror for the recovering person when both Mom and Dad are drunk most of the time.  Even though Alice was somewhat prepared, when Dad pushed the beer at her she threw in the towel and said yes.  But moments later her sober survival instinct kicked in and she said to herself, "No, No, I Don't! Cancel That!"  A story of a harrowing weekend at home. 

Zealotry Is Itself An Addiction, by Dave W.

Trading substance addiction for religious zealotry may not be much progress, and there's reason to think that the latter leads to the former.

Sober Mothers' Days, by Shirley B. and Nancy K.

Two kinds of mothers' days: one with the daughter and granddaughter, another with the horses, dogs and cats.  Both clean and sober, both loving life.  

I Want a Life Much More Than I Want a Drink, by Diane J.

Five months and then six months clean and sober, Diane has figured out ways of surviving her moments of craving, and she is experiencing a growing appetite to have a life.  (In two parts).

The Credit Is Mine, by Shirley B.

With her self-esteem at an all-time low, Shirley needed a recovery approach that helped to build her up; she found the support she needed on the SOS email list.

That Look On His Face, by Lynne L.

Lynne's personal motivators include the terror of being in a car crash not knowing how she got there, and the joy of seeing her little nephew's face when she arrives.  That look is worth staying sober for, she writes. 

A Hard Note To Write, by MOG

After nearly two years of sobriety, MOG faced an emotional crisis in a relationship and "crossed the line."  But not for long.  He let a friend carry off two of the three bottles he had planned to drink, and he reaffirmed his commitment to abstinence.  "I fortunately feel no shame nor guilt but do see the hard hold that alcohol can take on someone and realize that movement to abstinence is a huge struggle for many of us. "

Drinking "At" , by CA, Marianne H., Laura L., Marty N., Carol H.

It's the self-help process at work:  CA shared that getting angry at a person had set her to drinking.  Laura had done a similar thing, and she had a term for it: "drinking at someone."  Marty and Marianne had done it also; Marianne had even drunk "at" an organization.  Finally, Carol picked it up and used the "drinking at" idea as a tool to keep herself sober. 

Diversity Begets Hope, by Roger K.

"What I discern as a shared value in SOS is sobriety, not the means to get there, though SOS seems to value pragmatic discourse about what works for various individuals. This diversity of answers begets hope. I am not alone...."

A Secret Shame, by Marianne H.

When she first stopped drinking, Marianne felt too ashamed to tell anyone.  But there was one close friend and mentor she felt she had to tell.   She finally worked up the courage to do it -- and got a warm, supportive response.  

Smirnoff Memories, by Craig M.

The new Bond movie with its blatant promotion of Smirnoff vodka might trigger some people to crave a drink, but it triggered Craig just the other way.  It brought memories of retching and puking and a life going down the tubes, and recharged his energies for staying sober.

Reach Out And Touch, by Jane D.

She was stuck on a freezing train after Christmas, about to cave in to her craving, when a harassed young mom needing help appeared.  She reached out and gave help, and unexpectedly got the help she needed herself to finish her first holiday in sobriety.

Haiku, by MOG

Rising in the early dawn, MOG feels community with other sober beings.  Vividly painted in a few strokes.

Thirty Days Sober and What Do You Get? by Jim S.

This time around, thirty days sober feels like a heap of pluses instead of a pit of negatives.  Jim S. counts the ways things have gone right for him in his first month being sober with the email list as his support group.

Ixnay Eagles, by Jim S., Barbara A., Ben B., Larry D., Scott N., and Jim S.

Just two weeks sober, Jim got an offer from a drinking buddy to see a Philadelphia Eagles pro football game.  He had this uncomfortable feeling that his sobriety might get sacked in the process.  He asked the email list for advice.   What he heard made him decide "ixnay Eagles" for now. 

Change the Behavior Now! by Ron C.

Recovery isn't a smooth continuum. We bring our old selves into it. But when we do things and have feelings that tend to return us to drinking, we can change them, now.

We Can More Freely Tell, by Ben B.

Some of us had blackouts, some of us didn't; some of us got DUIs, some didn't. We don't all fit anybody's stereotype of the alcoholic, and it feels good to be free at last to talk about how we really were.

A Trip Out of Town, by Diane, Hugh, Craig, Mary Ann and Diane.

A business trip out of town takes us away from our support network, presents new problems and requires new solutions. Before leaving, Diane asked the SOS email list for advice, and got it. She then made up a problem/solution chart, and thus armed, set off -- and returned, sober.

Is a Generic Model of Recovery Possible? by Scott N.

When he left AA, Scott feared for his sobriety. It turns out he was more comfortable in his sobriety after leaving. Reflecting on the positive and negative of his AA experience, Scott wonders if a universally applicable model of recovery will ever be agreed upon.

Letter From My Father, by Robert B.

He was drinking and missed his father's dying. Years later, among his father's papers, there was this old letter to an uncle about his Dad's alcoholism and recovery. Bob shares the letter with the email list on the anniversary of his father's death.

It's Not Worth It, by John R.

He had been sober a while and thought he had it licked and could drink moderately. He went from two cocktails one afternoon to a liter of vodka a day, then endured the withdrawal symptoms. When he finally came out on the other side, he had one lesson burned into his brain: it's not worth it, don't drink at all.

The Things I Do, by Lin L.

She already had a perfectly good religion and didn't need another one, especially one that involved praying to ketchup bottles. She finally figured out that staying sober had nothing to do with what God did and everything with what she herself did.

I'm Going to Be There For This Kid, by Rick G.

He "missed" the birth and growing up of his own children, but he got sober in time for the new grandchild, and he's going to be there for his loved ones from now on.

The Real Birds and Foxes, by Jerome C.

When people advised him to develop his spirituality, Jerome answered that he'd had quite enough "spirits" already. What he wanted was the real things.

The Happy Neurons, by Mark P.

"The nature of chemical dependency is, to me, one of nature’s really fascinating stories. Why is there such a thing as addiction at all? What even makes such an odd thing possible? If you step back from it, it sure is a goofy-ass thing to have happen to anybody. 'Once upon a time'.... roughly 500 million years ago, evolution came up with one of its most elegant inventions. It happened in some fish-like critter since the land wasn't populated yet. It was the evolutionary invention of the self rewarding neuron..."

Letter From London, by Nick S.

My wife, an alcoholic, checked herself into an inpatient clinic. After seven weeks there, seeing her once a week and talking on the phone, I'm having serious doubts about what's going on there. It seems like the alcoholic who checked in is being replaced by an AA Moonie ...

The Meaning of Humility, by JCampb1048@aol.com

Who has the more inflated ego: the man who believes that a Higher Power has time to listen to his every whim and will take him to heaven when he dies, or the man who believes that when he dies he will disappear and all that will remain is what his life meant to others?

The Worst Week of My Life, by Gary S. by Gary S.

The doctors told him it was time to cut down, so Gary tried "controlled drinking." That week was such torture that abstinence appeared much easier by comparison.

No More Time Outs, by Dudley A.

In the fourth quarter of life, Dudley decided either the booze was going to control him or the other way around. Eight years later, the score is Dudley 8, booze 0.

Kerrville, Texas, by Paula B.

"First you find a beatup Ford pickup, driven by our grandfather (Popie), make sure it has a bed full of happy & singing children. If you can hear the childish voices clearly, they'll (we'll) be singing the old Methodist hymn - 'Climb, Climb up Tivy Mountain' ..." So begins this too-short reminiscence of a girlhood on the brink of disaster.

The '104' Group, by Tom S.

Tom got sober in an extraordinary AA group that had neither steps nor a higher power, and then found that he had really been mentally in SOS all along.

A Loner in Sweden, by Jan A.

Jan, a retired forester, valued the companionship of his sober friends, but translating the religiosity of AA literature into Swedish was the straw that broke the camel's back for him.

My SOS One-Two-Three, by Marty N.

On his fourth sobriety date, all of it in SOS, Marty reflects on his "Daily Do", on what happens in meetings, and how the Sobriety Priority can be a magnifying glass.

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