Keepers
My Old Pattern
By Steve B.
It's certainly not my place to predict
what will happen when someone else takes a drink after a period of abstinence,
but I can relate my own experience.
When I was nearing the end of a sober
period, the recurring thought that perhaps I was not really an alcoholic at all
would come to mind more and more frequently. Eventually, I would convince myself
that I could take just one or two drinks this time and I would try it.
Usually, the experiment seemed to
vindicate my thoughts. I would have a drink and not touch another for several
days. But the thought of drinking would not leave my mind. Although I seemed to
be managing alcohol just fine, I was always thinking about when I would allow
myself to drink again, and I would "reward" myself for being such a
good moderate drinker by taking another drink.
This sort of thinking has always got me
back into my old pattern after a period of from a week to a month.
I don't know whether my taking a drink
at a ceremonial occasion would cause me to lose my sobriety or not, but I
wouldn't want to try it. The loss of sobriety has cost me too much for me to
want to risk it.
Posted
June 7, 1999
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