A Secret Shame

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Keepers

A Secret Shame

by Marianne H.

SOS friends:

We had a thread a while back about how open to be about being alcoholic. I was one who didn’t want to tell anybody, and it seemed some other recently sober folks felt the same way. Many folks with more sober time felt that selective informing made sense, and others advocated shouting from the rooftops.

After chewing on all the different ideas in that thread, I decided there was one person I had to tell—the woman who had been my role model for nearly 20 years, and who had cared enough to threaten to deny me contract work if I didn’t stop drinking, then did just that when nothing changed.

Obviously, she knew I drank to excess. So it wasn’t sharing a nasty secret that I was avoiding with her. I think I was afraid to tell her I’d quit drinking for fear I’d blow it. SOS has since taught me that (a) there’s no shame in being an alcoholic, particularly a former one, (b) honesty in appropriate situations makes life easier, and (b) if I should blow it, I could just start over to be sober again without its being the end of the world.

Those three notions have taken much pressure off me. Enough that today I sent my role model friend e-mail thanking her for her tough love, and in what way it had helped. Her response came within the hour and said, in part, "WOW! This is terrific news. I am happy for you. It is an admirable journey you have embarked upon and, I understand, not an easy one. I can only be a distant cheerleader, but count me in."

There are many SOSers now with even less sober time than I, and maybe some are feeling as uncertain as I did about whether and how to share the decision not to drink. If so, perhaps this will help

Posted 1/30/98

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