|
www.unhooked.com |
About * Bookstore * BookTalk * Bulletin Board * Chat Room * Congress * Contact * Convenor Blog * Convenors * Cutting Edge * Donate * Email * FAQs * Food&Bev * Forum * Gallery * Humor * Keepers * Lawyer's LifeRing * LifeRing Press * Links * Media * Meetings * Meeting Starter * Membership Survey * Music * New Recovery Blog * Nicotine * Philosophy * Poetry * For Professionals * Quotations * Recreation * Science * Social Network * Testimonials * Thank You * Toolbox * Treatment Finder * Website * Welcome |
|
Kudos for LifeRing -- Read the Testimonials Page and Add Your Own |
|
|
Reports From the 2002 LifeRing Recovery Congress, Berkeley CA March 15-16-17 |
|
Letters About the Congress Posted on LSRMail From Betts: I just got home from the conference yesterday, actually driving west across the SF Bay bridge early Sunday morning in a really heavy rain (wasn't in a business-meeting mood, besides I'm not one of the board members) almost in tears because I was coming "back to reality", knew I had to, didn't really ever want to say "goodbye" to folks I'd just met, hugged, got to know, then said "goodnight" to, so kinda "bolt & run" -ned like a kid that who doesn't know what to do next. (That's me, shrugging off down an empty street, hands in my pockets, head down, kicking a can thoughtlessly, rebelliously . . . I only sometimes look like a grown-up, it's all a facade.) [...] Can I tell you all something about the conference? I recognized some faces, and got some real welcoming smiles from people who kinda knew me. This is important stuff. Trust me. When Mom was in the middle stages of losing her marbles and we were running out of energy, considering and finally trying to find a home for her where she'd be safe and we wouldn't be so overwhelmed, I was trying to explain it to her. The only question she asked me was "Will someone there know me?" Yeah, it's important. So what can I tell you? . . . Lonny Shavelson's presentation - I do believe he referred to it as the "dog and pony show" he puts on occasionally to give voice to those who can't - on his research for his book "Hooked" (buy the damned thing if you haven't already - you can buy it off Amazon through the unhooked.com site) hurt. That's by way of saying it (his presentation, himself, what he's doing) touched me, well and deeply. In fact, buy several copies of the book and give one to everyone you know who's the slightest bit interested in improving humanity, who writes for newspapers, who phones politicians, who has any clout in trying at least to change the world for the better. Read it yourself. Then have a good cry or three. Then dust yourself off and go do the next fuggin thing in front of you that you can think of to do that might do some good. Marty and Marj did a hell of a lot of good by getting this conference together, getting Lonny to speak to us, and everything. I can't say thanks to everyone because I don't know enough of who did what, but I do know a lot of people were involved and it turned out beautifully. OK - real people (I am a mouse inside who doesn't mingle well, so this is going to be a short list. Other folks will - they better! - write more of their impressions of folks whom they got to know so we'll all get a better notion of the fact that we really are human, flesh-and-blood humans trying to cohese - yeah, I made that up so you'd pay attention, but "bond" has been overused already) - - - - Glo is the warm, wonderful woman all of us have always wanted for a favorite relative (and that's only on the outside). I want her to adopt me. In fact, she can be the official hugger, comforter, and bring-back-to-reality-er of the imaginary village I'm inventing where we can all live safely, sanely and usefully, having a bit of fun in the process). Jacquie is a beautiful, passionate woman with long, straight light brown/blond hair and bangs, who can survive hours of delayed flights, changed plans and lack of sleep and still manage to flash a kind smile and keep her wits about her. CA (she really doesn't answer to "Carol") is a spirited, red-headed waif with a voice that goes with her spirit - she sings the way I've heard Judy Garland described, God, what a voice! The cops were called because she had the folks three blocks away dancing in the streets. (And that's just her after-dinner, singing-for-the-crowd voice after a long flight and a full day!) I want to adopt Craig and Ben, and Lin and Ian and Mark and Don and Angela and Richard (and his wife). . . . . Damn! My husband would never agree, and besides I'd have to get rid of my clutter. I guess that's why my eyes were damp driving home - I really wanted the whole thing to go on and on like a long slumber party with no got-tos, and no need for naps (I ran out of energy too often). I kept thinking of my vision of humanity as a box full of puppies who need lots of snuggling and warmth - Gotta go - reality really is hollering at me. We've got to stick together, folks! Love ya! Betts From Don E: Being mostly a lurker here on the net, and there not being any meetings in this part of Montana where I live, I went to the Congress, and it was soo worthwhile. Lonny Shavelson's presentation was very moving. Oh, what pain there is the way the system works, or doesn't work. Afterwards I went to buy a copy of "Hooked:" but the supply at the Congress was already sold out. Ordered it today on-line - both Powell's and Amazon have it if you're interested. Dr. Kornfield's talk on drugs was interesting for me as well - don't know much about pharmaceuticals. Too, he spoke on the problems physicians have in getting approval to use some drugs, while others sail on to the market and cause trouble. Good talk. Marty did a great job on Lifering 101, and I believe several of the professionals who were there for CE credits stayed to listen to his (non-credit) talk. But I confess I missed the first part of his presentation - I was outside communing... with one of our most esteemed members... who I dare not name... as we were outside to also satisfy our, er, um, unquenched addiction (nicotine). Lin's Sex in Recovery Workshop was... well, about 20 minutes on Sex in Recovery. The rest of the time was spent on... Sex. And it was very rewarding - it's good to talk about, and bring into the open among a group of men and women, a subject that just doesn't get much discussion - at least not in my usual world. The audience participation that she included (NO, not the way you're thinking!) really got us all to open up. All the presentations that I was able to attend were very worthwhile. They would have made the trip a good one in their own right. But the big reason I went to the Congress, and the biggest reward that I got from it, was to see real, live LSR people. Here in the woods cyberspace is a useful tool, but, you know, it's limited. It was so good to meet many of the people who write on this list and others in the organization. I'll not try to list them as I'd omit many. Going there put a face on LSR for me, made it more concrete, the virtual world became a real one. And they're great people, you all are great people. Keep on, be well, and stay well, Don From Richard C: […] The conference was
great, as Betts noted. I walked into the room Friday night with a sense of
trepidation, for a complicated host of reasons. There was the sense that
I'd let it all hang out a bit more than I might have had I known I would
necessarily be meeting these folks face to face, and there was the nagging
worry of whether there were any lingering bad tastes from past situations
and controversies. A tall good looking guy
with a beard approached. He was smiling at me, and I recognized him from
the pictures at the Yahoo site. "Ben?” "Richard?" So
maybe it wasn't quite Stanley and Livingston, but I knew I had been to
hell and back with this man, and a moment later I met Glo, and then Ang,
and then Craig, and then Marty. It was all a bit overwhelming and unreal. I was standing with Craig
having a brief conversation and in the course of a couple minutes there
were a few references each to things we already knew about the other one.
It was kind of mind-boggling to realize that this man I had never been in
a room with had read my profusion of posts and was actually paying some
attention to them! He knew what my opinions were on various subjects, and
I knew his. Without even saying so I realized that we each knew a lot of
intimate details regarding the other's background, marital history, where
we lived, career, and so on down the line. And more importantly, we knew
what the other had been through in getting sober and staying sober, and we
had each been along for the bulk of the other's journey in that regard. It was a similar pleasure
meeting Betts, Glo, Lin, Don, Tom S. (listmeister) Jay, Chet, Marty,
Marjorie, Ang, Itchy, CA, Bill S., (and many, many others whose names
escape me at the moment). Some of the encounters were slightly awkward,
and a lot of the conversations were cut short for some reason, so it was
slightly frustrating. I wished I could have sat down to lunch or dinner
one on one with each person and really gotten to enjoy being with them,
but there wasn't that luxury. On Saturday we were all
shuttling in and out of sessions, and then Saturday night we had the
banquet and some outstanding entertainment, courtesy of, among others,
Itchy, Glo, Bill S., CA, and Chet. Bill was a smooth MC and read some
powerful poems. Itchy sang great renditions of Pink Floyd's
""Wish You Were Here"" and Talking Heads' Heaven is
Where Nothing Ever Happens."" Glo showed her humorous side in a
couple of entertaining poems. CA showed good humor and even better voice
in a valiant attempt to sing "You Light Up My Life" in what
turned out to be an ill-advised key register, finally doing a bit a
capella to the accompaniment of glass breaking sounds provided by Chet. Speaking of Chet, he
showed his versatility by playing jazz guitar with a trio Friday night and
then out Willying Willy Nelson in a couple of songs Saturday night. From
his seat behind me Tom added some Bob Wills style "yee-haws" and
bass harmonies to some of the bluegrass and old-timey songs done by Chris,
Bill and others. Lonnie Shavelson's talk
was a highlight, as was Glo's session on feelings. But for me the
highlight of the sessions (I had to miss Lin's and Betts'--damn) was
Marty's talk on LSR 101. I had heard the ideas before, but it was great to
see it all spelled out in person, and it was even better hearing some of
the comments afterwards from treatment professionals who had never heard
any of it before. One woman said "I'm a 12-step person, but this is
the first thing I've heard that presents an alternative but isn't
bashing." It was clear that Marty had given this talk a few times
before, and had it very polished feel without in any way sounding rote. I didn't attend the
Sunday Congress itself so I await some other report on how that went.
Congratulations to Marty, Marjorie, and all the people who put time and
effort into planning this event. It was great meeting a few of the local
people who don't do the email list but who are active in meetings in the
Bay Area. I tend to think of LSR as an online community, but that is of
course only one aspect of it. That's about all I can muster at the moment.
I will hope that others complete the picture. Regards, From Chet G: [...] As others have said, It was great to see so many people who went with the names I've seen on this list. It's an interesting experience to put faces to names (one almost never gets it right) but the one common denominator was that we all are pilgrims on this journey, we have that important common bond. Betts' post gives a better word picture than I can of the joy and comradeship we all felt. So many LifeRingers in one space was so uplifting...recharged my batteries. One thought keeps running through my brain tonight. I'm a musician, I've been playing for audiences for over 40 years, anywhere from 1 (or none) people to over 20,000. I cannot every remember having more fun than I did playing on Saturday night. I am struck by the fact that not only were our brothers and sisters appreciative of our music, everyone in the audience was SOBER. That means that our experience together was the result of the mutual connection we made with one another without any artificial aids. I love playing to aware, awake and present people and folks, we had a room full of them Saturday night. Thanks to each one of you. The business meeting (damned early) on Sunday was also the smoothest run, most congenial experience of democracy that I have every been a part of. I have been involved in other political struggles, notably anti-Viet Nam war, Free Radio Berkeley and the Save KPFA Radio efforts but the clear, collaborative spirit that pervaded that meeting was special to me. I was really impressed with the decision to have everyone sit in one large circle. It felt so much like a F2F meeting that it's not surprising that we were so productive. Again, Craig was an able representative of this group. I congratulate all 5 people who voted him in. (I would have voted for Craig, too). Chet From Ang: Hi
Everyone, 7am
EST, Tuesday, finally made it home. Congress
was incredible, but after 48 hrs of almost no sleep, I'll defer attempting
to describe it until after some rest. Just
wanted to check in. I'm home,
safe, sound and most importantly, sober.
I have a lot of people to thank for that, but right now I'll just
include a group thanks to all. Love, From Ang: Hello
All, I
haven't been participating in this list much, but since attending the
Congress I have a feeling that will change. I met so many people I won't
even try to begin to name them all. It was quite an experience. I
made the mistake of taking a friend with me that's not involved in LSR. So
I was torn between spending some time with her doing sightseeing stuff
& attending the Congress. Needless to say, I wish I'd just let her go
off on her own and attended the entire Congress. I
regret that. But, there will be next year. I
was scheduled to leave at 3am Mon. morning. As that time began to
approach, strange things started happening to me. First, I started reading
Lonny Shavelson's book “Hooked”. I was really, really moved - to the
point of tears - and had to try to get myself together to have dinner with
Glo & Ben Sun. nite. I did. We had dinner at a nice Italian restaurant
that used ALOT of wine bottles in the decor. As
I was leaving, I thought to myself, “Shit. I have to go home. To the
same people and the same situations I've been relapsing in for 5 full
years now. May as well just go back to the hotel and get my own bottle.”
Well, I didn't. But I went back to the hotel and read and started to
panic. Serious panic - full blown crying spells with anxiety attacks - the
whole nine yards. “How can I go back?”, I thought, “I'm doomed.”
At 3 am the phone rang and it was Ben making sure I was up to catch my
flight. “I changed my mind”, I said. “I'm not leaving yet”. Didn't
say why or maybe I just made something up, I don't know. The
next few hours seemed like the longest of my life. Don't they always?
Those night hours when you're alone and life seems especially bleak for
whatever reason and the demons are all over you. At 7 am, which was
absolutely as long as I could stand it - I called Ben & Glo, went to
their B&B, and promptly fell apart. I cried and spilled all my fears
to them. And they just put their arms around me, held me, listened to me
and then we started to put together some kind of plan that I could bring
back with me that would place me in a better position to maintain
sobriety. I have never, ever experienced anything like this. I
finally left at 7pm Mon. nite - the same time as Ben & Glo. Still
scared, still pretty shaky, but better. I got lost going to the airport
(which is another story entirely in its own right!), flew all nite and
arrived in Atlanta at 7am on Tuesday. It's Wednesday now and I've begun to
implement my plan. I feel better, more confident about staying sober than
I have in a long time. Part of that plan for me is participating more
here, try to reach out a little more. After
meeting so many great people f2f, I'm not so afraid of that anymore. I
guess that's it for now. Of course, there will be more to follow. Thanks
everybody. Love, Ang From Ben: Fhew!
What a ride. Glo
and I parted company this morning at approximately 8:00 am MST as I
stepped off of Amtrak at Whitefish, MT. We probably won't hear from Glo
until mid morning tomorrow as the train does not arrive in St. Cloud, MN
(about 60 miles from her home) until 5:10 am CST, Thursday. Once
off the train I had to drive the 140 miles from Whitefish to Missoula in a
blizzard. Sure glad I hadn't flown though as I would probably still be
sitting on a bus from Spokane, WA or Great Falls, MT. Missoula's airport
closes during winter events such as this. The mountain valley just gets
too socked in. No
report regarding the Congress just yet. Too much to digest. Still trying
to relax after the drive in near whiteout visibility. I think I got the
truck up to 45 mph once on the two lane highway. And boy did a shower feel
good once I got home. I
missed last year's Congress so many faces had not been seen for two years.
Sure was a pleasure to re-establish those bonds and create new ones. I
miss them all now. Glo and I were already discussing travel to next year's
Congress. And a few of us may be finding cause to gather long before that. Anyway,
glad to be home and back in contact with the email list(s) and I hope to
make it into the chat room tonight. hugs
to all, From Lin: >[…]I've
heard a lot of people say how high they've felt after such a
meeting/congress; me, I'm feeling a hell of a let-down. I'm
gonna second--or third--this. I'm having a serious post-Congress
depression. So, Ang, I guess we're all going to have to hang in there and
survive it together. >Ang,
you mentioned working out a plan for staying steady when you got back into
the old familiar environment. Give me a clue, please. What kind of plan? How do you keep “reality” from killing
you? I
use that lovely meditation technique...with the clear running stream, so
clear you can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're
holding under it. Lin From
Jill: […]I'm
planning to get to the Congress next year, even if it's held on the moon. From
Dodo: From Lin: Wow,
this is a very small world. A publisher friend sent me an e-mail, telling
me that one of the books she's got out is up for the Firecracker Book
Award, an award give to “alternative” books and publications. And
as I'm voting, in a different category, I see Lonny Shavelson's book,
_Hooked_! Most
of us were struck by Lonny's presentation at the Congress. “Blown
away” would not be exaggerating, in some of our cases. So,
now we can all go to http://www.firecrackerbooks.org/fihome.html and give
Lonny our votes! And,
if you have an itchy voting finger, you can also vote for _Turning Pro_ in
the “Sex” category. Yes, it *is* a book about what you think it sounds
like it's about. When
I first came to LSRmail (SOSmail in those days), the list was right in the
middle of a big flame war about MJ use. How wonderful that, at this
particular time, the list is overflowing with the Congress afterglow. It's
just what I need. Somehow this feels altogether different; like the good
part of AA when I first arrived there - all those people coming over and
putting little slips of paper with their phone numbers in my hand and
telling me to call them whenever I wanted help talking myself out of a
drink. You're
also right about answers originating within. The time by myself was
necessary to get some perspective on my life. Without it, I'd never have
known how little my various grand pursuits mean in the face of plain old
friendship. Jill From Glo: After
having slept most of the last 24 hours, I think I'm ready to write a post.
Wow, what a trip! The
culture shock is severe: from sitting under a lemon tree in the California
sun, strolling the streets of Berkeley, and rubbing elbows at Congress
with some of the most fascinating people I've ever met..to 3 below zero in
little Montrose Minnesota is almost more than I can handle! Can't
begin to process it all: just have little snapshots in my head. Hearing
Ben knock on my door at last and getting my first hug from this dear new
friend, who treated me the whole time with such loving respect and
concern.. strolling down Telegraph Ave with my arm around Syl, standing
inside a hollowed out Redwood with Ben and Syl (seeing the redwoods was a
life long dream) Walking
into the reception to have this good looking woman wrap her arms around me
and jump up and down and refuse to tell me who she was...(I figured it out
when she started to talk in Japanese ..hey CA!), seeing Ang's sparkling
dark eyes light up when we hugged, wrapping my arms around Betts, at
LAST!..getting to see the dear faces of so many I've come to know
here..feel all those solidly real hugs..oh my...it was all
just...something ELSE! Crawling
in Marty's little bumper car and actually seeing his face for the first
time, and Marge's, and feeling like I'd known them forever. Syl, taking off
two whole days to give Ben and I a wonderful tour of Berkeley and so many
beautiful places; sharing her memories of the Berkeley 60's that I missed.
I will long remember the gulls stealing the sugar packets from the tables
on the bay, while pigeons played around our feet...thank you SO much, Syl!!
Sitting
in a treatment center listening to Marty’s presentation, remembering so
well how it felt to be there, feeling electricity in the air as they tuned
into his words, then attending my first face to face LSR meeting the next
night; another room full of hope and help so freely offered.. Listening
to Lonny Shavelson with a room full of sober, caring people thinking…oh
yes there is hope for this world…as long as it holds those willing to
reach out and gather in others who want to be whole and well... Sitting
in the delegates circle listening to all the blood, sweat and tears so
many are putting into taking LSR “out there”, no matter how tough it
is.. so very glad to be a part of it all... Listening
to all the bits and pieces of history that have brought LSR to this moment
in time: sensing the incredible dedication on the part of so many that has
made this possible.. made me think of the hard labor of childbirth that
you think will never end, but it does, and then you have this new being
that is now on it's feet, getting it's balance, preparing to learn to
run... Craig,
I am surprised to hear about the shyness and discomfort, because you sure
don't show it, and instead just look very observant and wise! I have all
the same issues you do, and it was a comfort to just be near you! Rich,
Betts, remember when we talked about how we'd have to wear paper bags over
our heads in order to get up the courage to be there?! Well, we made it,
sans the bags too! (and you are one good looking dude, Rich!) Being
there with all of you solidified my decision to leave this tiny
conservative, AA bound berg and get myself back to Mpls as soon as I can,
to start working on getting a LSR foothold going in Minnesota. (Yes, Marty, I saw the visionary gleam in your eye about
infiltrating Minnesota!) I
was walking out of Alta Bates the last time with Bill S and he dropped
behind a minute… so I paused to wait…and he said, ”I was just
looking...and I don't see any green tail at all!” :)
No,
the green tail is all gone, and in its place I think I feel some wing
stubs growing out of my shoulder blades! Can't wait for next time! Thank
you to Marge, Marty and all who worked so hard to make this all a reality.
Marge..GET SOME SLEEP! love, glo From Patrick: I
am sorry that it has taken me so long to post on the subject of the
congress, but I have been swamped with the post-spring break run of tests,
and working every night of the week. The
congress was a great experience once again and I was happy to be the Texas
delegate. I was fortunate to have the funds to do this and I am already
saving up for next year when we go back to Florida. I
was impressed by the turn-out and how well the events were coordinated. It
flowed smoothly and I learned a lot. Lonny Shavelson gave a great seminar
and having lunch with him was a great treat. i briefed him at some length
on the state of affairs here in the state of Texas. On
a personal note, I will be off Parole in July after ten long years. I am
thinking about taking a summer session off from school and going on a
speaking tour of Texas facilities backing LifeRing. […] Keep
up the good work. From Ang: Your
report was not only not boring, it was a fascinating read for me. I
appreciate the openness with which you've described your experience and
how it's helped me begin to internalize what happened for me. I was
actually at the Hotel Durant until Monday, too. Didn't
even know you were staying there. I
slept for a full, uninterrupted 7 hours last nite. The sun seems brighter,
the trees greener, and my jaded heart at least three sizes bigger
(remember the Grinch?). Mine, like his, seems to have grown overnight. But
I also had to wonder upon first awakening, was it all a dream? It couldn't
have been real. I don't have experiences like that. I am, after all, just
a drunk seemingly dedicated to totally fucking up what life is left. I
think I can comfortably make that past tense now. That's what I was.
Thanks to the Congress, the efforts of Marty, Tom, Marj and many others, I
have a place, a safe haven in which to grow. Thanks to the altruism of Glo,
Ben, Richard and many others, I believe I am something worthwhile to focus
my efforts on. Shit, I'm gonna cry. It's good tears, though. Warm, soft,
happy tears of joy. Haven't done those in awhile. Thanks
for sharing your experience Craig. I look forward to having more time to
spend with you next year. You are quite something, you know? your
friend, Ang Great Craig. I really
felt the loneliness of your sitting in the hotel room after all the others
had left. Geez, maybe I should have gone....thanks Jack Jack, Well, there's always next year. One of the great services Craig has offered is to have painted such a vivid picture that perhaps more list-members will come next year. I realized while I was there that there were some great people that came from in-person groups, and after I got to know them I'm sure many of them would become friends, but that the online people are the people I already know, and the more the merrier next year. I have heard a few of you already vowing to go and making plans, which I think can be contagious. I'd love to see people from far-flung places such as Australia and Belarus attend, if at all possible. Regards, Richard From Diane J:
Ah,
Ang,
If
I had a nickel for every time I used that demeaning phrase “I'm just a
drunk” on myself--I could have afforded to go to the conference at least
(laugh).
No.
You're NOT “just a drunk.” And you weren't “just a drunk.” Nobody
is. Even if they're still drinking (although they usually believe it when
they're still drinking, which gets in the way of getting sober, sadly).
I
can HEAR the adrenaline and endorphins from the conference (smile, cheers)
in your post. Enjoy them! And draw on them for your sober self. While the
buzz from any intense group experience wears off, as Jill and others have
noted so well, it can be used to reinforce sobriety as long as we make an
effort to turn it in that direction.
I'm
SO glad you got some sleep, too. Having suffered from brutal insomnia for
months early in sobriety, I know how that can distort everything and make
it more difficult.
Good
to hear from you! From Tom Shelley: […]I have been involved with secular recovery for all of the last twenty- one years of my own sobriety. In that time I have seen a great deal of effort put forth by scores of people to make the secular approach known and available to the greatest possible number of those in need. There was a time, several years ago, that those of us who had been part of this movement awoke to the fact that rather than growing and flourishing, our movement was dying. Without recounting some unpleasant history, this recognition galvanized many of us into action. That action resulted in the birth of a new organization, LifeRing Secular Recovery. As with a newborn (thanks to Glo for the birth analogy), we have experienced the joy and pain of beginning a new life. With our first birthday celebrated by our gathering at the Congress in Berkeley, we have made some important gains. Ours is a way to sobriety, and life, based on individual choice but collective support, individual effort but collective strength, individual accomplishment but collective benefit. The tremendous strides made by LSR in the San Francisco/Berkeley/Oakland area are a model for the rest of us to follow. I look forward to our next birthday and many more to come. I wish there had been more time to meet and spend time with everyone whose participation and effort have made LifeRing and this list (and its companion lists) so valuable to us all. I say a true and heartfelt thanks to you all. YSP, Tom the listmeister In a message dated 3/23/02 2:41:13 PM Central Standard Time, Rich writes: > I love solitude, but it ultimately doesn't nourish me sufficiently, and begins to lapse into isolation and fear of people. Bingo, Rich. That's exactly what I had allowed to happen to me, and what going to congress has jolted me out of. I had no idea I was that hungry for face to face contact with people I can really relate to. Coming back here to this sad building full of sad people felt like walking into a mortuary...I really really need to move. When I moved in here I truly thought I was ready for this kind of reclusive living. Then I found LSR. :) Haven't been the same since! :) glo
|
|