What Surprises Me is That I Want to Stop

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What Surprises Me is That I Want to Stop

What surprises me is that I want to stop
That I keep surfacing, trying to break free
When this false lover is always there
Waiting, like a ghost in a dark hallway
Grinning carelessly, knowing my need

I turn away towards life, towards hopeful smiles,
The lightness of sober dawns, the weightlessness of simply being.
And it whispers to me of greater pleasures, a deeper opening
Singing freely, dancing pure joy, fearless, fearless.

And I turn back to it, knowing it is death and pain
Because it knows me, knows what I need
Some anguish lives in me that it can gently caress away
Some deep thing, an ache of emptiness
If I could embrace that anguish, that emptiness,
Comfort it, name it, gently tell it not to be afraid
Would I be free?

Linda F.

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