Where Did This Come From

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Where Did This Come From?

By Glo M.

(Written 19 years ago at the start of treatment # 3)

So, where did this come from,
this need to drink and drug,
this compulsion to run
to false comforts?

Where was this need born?
In my genes? In my brain?
In the void where will power
is supposed to live?

Does it even matter?
It's here now, consuming my life,
like a cancer, it grows
unchecked by me.

It's in my brain now,
distorting everything,
it's in my heart, hardening it
it's in my center, slowly killing it off.

I want it gone. I want to live.
I want to love. To be loved.
I want to know who I am
without this master.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Written today)

I know you're still there
I knew you'd never leave completely
so I found you a cage
of containment.

It was hard to let you go
even harder to grow up
past the wailings of my
miserable self

At time I thought the cure
would kill me faster that you would have
my hair fell out more than once
and I grew so weak and afraid.

But here we are at last
my brain belongs to me again,
my heart can give and receive
and you no longer live in my center place.

Where you came from
no longer seems important.
Where you are now
is of ultimate importance.

So, you stay curled up in your cage
and sleep the long sleep
while I get on with life
in all its tattered glory.

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